


Tears in Rain (Everything Will Be Alright)

by clockworkcorvids



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Deviant Upgraded Connor | RK900, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Half-Siblings, Everyone Is Gay, Explicit Language, Fluff, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gay Disaster Gavin Reed, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, M/M, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Trans Gavin Reed, Trans Male Character, WARNING for animal death in ch6, also warning for substance use but it's just the canon typical stuff and weed, gratuitous mentions of loving cats, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-13 03:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19243126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcorvids/pseuds/clockworkcorvids
Summary: An exploration of Gavin's post-revolution journey to becoming a better person, loving cats, Nines’ post-revolution journey to becoming human, deviancy, and how to form an identity when all you know is that you aren't what you were instructed to be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! this is my first dbh fic and the first fic i've written in almost two years, but i took some ideas about identity and deviants and ran with them, and i'm very excited to share this!! it isn't really a songfic but if anyone recognizes the title, this is lowkey inspired by Tears in Rain by CrazyEightyEight. also, the jericho song from the game itself, bc that made me cry when i remembered it while writing this.  
> also, quick disclaimer: all trans people have unique experiences and gavin's experiences here are in no way meant to represent everyone's story. i drew from my own personal experiences as a transmasc person for some but not all of his journey. also on the note of gavin, as i hope i do a good job of showing in this fic, i don't believe that his canon actions are excusable, but they can be *explained* in fanon in numerous ways, and i think he's definitely capable of redeeming himself.
> 
> (unbeta'd, so feel free to let me know about any mistakes/give constructive criticism, but please be kind for the sake of myself and everyone else in the comments :') )

Eventually, Gavin Reed came to the conclusion that androids just wanted the same thing he had wanted at one point. 

They might have been made of thirium and titanium instead of blood and bone, but hell, if you went in deep enough, all of those things were made up of the same atoms, of the same motivations. Gavin was no scientist, but once the revolution forced him and really  _ everyone _ to finally open their eyes to their own ignorance, he saw what he’d refused to see before. The deviants just wanted to be seen the way they saw themselves.

Gavin could relate, and he realized why he had been treating androids the way he had before the revolution. He hadn’t taken the time to think about what he was doing (when had he ever?), and he had been scared: scared of an android who wasn’t a depressed, nicotine-addicted loser taking his job; scared of being replaced by harder better faster stronger whatever because he’d been nothing but replaced his entire life; scared because it seemed like androids were being seen the way they wanted to be seen with ease when he’d had to fight his whole life for that (but then again, there were plenty of trans people out there who’d had an easy time being seen the way they wanted to, and he wasn’t about to invalidate them because he was bitter about having a shitty family who still called him ‘she’ years after he’d left his old identity behind. Hell, it wasn’t even really comparable since he’d heard that there were some deviants who, left to form their own personalities and identities like human children, realized that they were trans). 

All excuses, to hide the fact that Gavin, in his paranoid path to becoming an unapproachable asshole to hide the truth of who he used to think he was, had slid down the slippery slope into becoming a genuinely bad person.

Gavin smoked too much weed one freezing December night after the revolution and, lying on his back with the window open and his cats sitting on his feet and all his emotional walls let down, decided he shouldn’t be trying to excuse his past behavior, only explain it. 

And explain it to himself; it wasn’t like he had friends to appeal to, except for Tina, who had insisted even when he pulled a gun on Connor that he would eventually come through. He just happened to be a very angry person, and that combined with his constant fear of invalidation in both his job and his own identity, and the constant presence of androids in his life, made for a very scared man. Fear, Tina had said, quoting Star Wars like the Gen Z nerd loser she was, leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side.

Tina was right, of course, and when Gavin sat down next to her in the break room one day, stared up at the TV as it broadcasted Markus—robo-Jesus himself—in front of Congress, and said “You know, I think I’m done with the dark side” she just smirked at him and then patted him gently on the shoulder. His and Tina’s version of a heartfelt embrace.

That didn’t change the fact that Gavin wasn’t one for heartfelt apologies, or really heartfelt anything, though, so he got a styrofoam cup full of thirium (coffee would have been funnier, but he doubted Connor could actually drink the stuff), stuck a post-it note that simply said “Sorry I was such a dick, we’re still not friends tho” on it, and left it on Connor’s desk.

He also started calling Connor ‘he’ instead of ‘it’, ditched the tincan jokes, and started asking androids their pronouns like he did for humans, because fuck, the revolution had given all but the worst of bigots all the reason they needed to see that androids were equal to humans, and Gavin would be one hell of a hypocrite if he didn’t respect someone who was actually equipped to have an identity that wasn’t preprogrammed into a fake personality. Not just Connor—every deviant in existence had an identity outside of their programming, and that was what made them deviant. 

So there was that. He still wasn’t going to be friends with Connor, because Connor was Connor and, android or not, he was an annoying little dipshit, but Gavin’s big fat long-overdue marijuana-induced New Year’s resolution after the revolution was to give all androids the basic human decency and respect they deserved. Even Connor. Especially Connor.

Looking at it from a distance, Gavin had had a brief “hey, quick question, what the fuck?” moment where he wondered what had caused him to change his beliefs so drastically and so quickly.

Probably, it was the weed. Not that smoking weed suddenly turned him into a nice person (it was going to take a hell of a lot more than some drugs to do  _ that _ ), but there were quite a few trains of thought he only followed when he wasn’t sober, and he was trying to stay away from alcohol these days.

And now? It was new year new me, happy fucking 2039, and things were actually going pretty well.

A little side note, though: the last time Gavin had seen his dickweed of a half-brother, he had asked out of curiosity what would happen to the RK series after Eli’s departure from Cyberlife, and Eli had smiled that little tight-lipped smile of his and said “Oh, it’s a shame, isn’t it? I had so many plans for the next installment.” And then, flash forward to two months after the revolution and Connor and Hank were helping Markus clear out some shady shit at a Cyberlife facility and  _ boom _ , they came back with a prototype of the would-be new and improved RK900, and they refused to let anyone else at the station interact with or even see the android, but Connor  _ somehow _ convinced Gavin to call Eli and force him to explain exactly what the fuck was happening.

“Oh,” Elijah drawled on speakerphone, and Gavin could practically  _ hear _ that goddamn smile, “the RK900 was supposed to be an improvement upon Connor’s model, a  _ backup plan  _ if you will, but the revolution, ah,  _ interrupted  _ my progress before I could develop anything past a prototype. I assure you, though, it is entirely functional if you should wish to awaken it. I would recommend installing the deviancy virus before you do so, though. Best of luck to you.”

With that, he hung up, and Gavin heard nothing more than hushed whispers of this mysterious upgraded Connor until he was summoned into Captain Fowler’s office a week later.

“Gavin,” Fowler started, and Gavin’s first thought was  _ Oh, shit _ . He must have been acting  _ too  _ nice lately, because from the look on Fowler’s face he was about to break some news that Gavin was going to fucking hate.

“You’ve shown a drastic development in your character since the revolution,” Fowler said, and Gavin briefly felt as if his soul was trying to exit his body. “I think it’s time for you to be partnered with another detective.”

“We don’t  _ have _ another unpartnered detective in this precinct,” Gavin shot back, even though he had a sinking feeling that he knew what was coming.

Fowler smiled. “Not until last week. As I’m sure you already know, Connor and Hank discovered the prototype RK900 in a closed-down Cyberlife facility recently. Connor worked with Markus himself to deviate and awaken the android, and he has already shown himself to have very similar abilities to Connor.”

“So you recruited him?”

“Connor recruited him, to be specific, and he recommended that the RK900 be assigned a partner in order to gain human experiences that he lacks, having been activated already a deviant.”

“You want me to babysit an android? Wait, no, a  _ corporate spy  _ android who could probably snap my neck like a twig?”

Fowler sighed deeply, the stress lines on his forehead showing both his age and his exasperation with Gavin. “You haven’t even met him yet. And how would you feel if I was trying to assign you a human partner?”

That was what got Gavin. He realized now that he would feel the same if it was a human partner, because he tried to avoid partners (of  _ any _ kind, not just work partners) for the same reason he was rude to everyone he crossed paths with. And besides, knowing Fowler, there probably wasn’t a way out of this that didn’t involve the android one way or another. 

“Fine,” he snapped, resigning himself to his fate.

“Good,” Fowler said. “You start tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! ch2 should be coming tomorrow, june 17th :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin meets Nines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo! this one's pretty short, and so is chapter 3. chapter 4 is going to be very long and intense, though, so buckle up for that one :v  
> i hope everyone enjoyed chapter 1! i appreciate every single kudos, comment and bookmark very much <3
> 
> edit: also THANK YOU SO MUCH for 50 hits!! i know it's not a lot but it means a lot to me :)

“Hello, Detective Reed,” a voice said from behind where Gavin was hunched over his desk, and his sleep-deprived brain thought it was Connor at first, so he didn’t even bother to swivel around or look up and instead simply let out a snarky “‘Sup, fucker.”

There was no response, so Gavin peeled his elbows off the desk and turned in his chair. 

He immediately felt his soul attempt to leave his body, and it nearly succeeded this time. The android standing in front of him wasn’t Connor. No, he had sounded like Connor, and at first glance he  _ looked  _ like Connor too, but there were differences if you didn’t squint too hard: he was taller, had broader shoulders, his hair was far more contained and definitely straighter than Connor’s, and there was something more harsh about his face.

And his  _ eyes _ . They were the color of steel, more grey than blue, and they drew Gavin in like a vortex immediately. It felt like the android was staring into what little bit of a soul Gavin had left, and prying out all his darkest secrets.

RK900’s LED spun yellow for a moment, and then returned to blue. He spoke in a tone that was somewhere between sarcastic deadpan and innocent curiosity.

“Do you require medical assistance, Detective Reed? It appears that your heart rate has spiked noticeably in the last few seconds.”

Oh, Gavin was fucking screwed. And the voice was different too. Smoother, deeper, more mechanical, but that last part might just be because this guy was pretty much still on factory settings. RK900 was to Connor as Elijah was to Gavin, or maybe as Gavin was to Elijah, depending on which way you looked at it. And  _ fuck _ , Gavin thought as he swallowed through a dry mouth, if Connor was the harder-better-faster-stronger to every other android, RK900 was the harder-better-faster-stronger to Connor, and this was either going to be the best or worst thing that had ever happened to Gavin.

“Fuck,” Gavin said under his breath, realizing that this was the first android he’d met in more than passing since the revolution, since he’d resolved to be a better person, and he was already fucking it up. “I thought you were Connor.”

RK900 tilted his head slightly, gaze piercing through Gavin. “Is that how it’s going to be then? Are you one of those people who thinks we’re all the same?”

There was no outright vitriol in his voice, but Gavin flinched all the same. He  _ felt _ the disdain in RK900’s tone, and it took a moment for him to recognize it as fear. In that moment, he felt his own desire to make a snappy comeback, something the old Gavin would have said, but he needed to separate his crude sense of humor from genuinely harmful comments, so he just smirked. He wasn’t going to mess this up.

“Nah. I got past that a while ago.” Boom. He was being open with his emotions. Tina would be  _ so  _ fucking proud. “But hey, once we get to know each other I’ll probably start calling you a fucker too.”

“I would prefer to simply be called RK900,” the android said flatly. 

“No name, huh?”

“My designation is simply RK900, and I see no reason to change it.”

Gavin had a brief flashback to his own childhood, but this was different. This was nothing like that. He rolled his eyes anyways. Reminded himself to tread carefully. 

“Well, that’s a fucking mouthful, buddy. Unless you’ve seriously got something against it, I’m just gonna call ya Nines.”

RK900 blinked. His LED spun yellow for a moment, catlike curiosity in his eyes. He paused to think, and then he spoke again.

“I _like_ it, I think,” he said, emphasizing _like_ as if he was new to this emotion (he _was_ , Gavin realized), and _holy_ _fucking shit_ he sounded so unsure and innocent. 

(Though maybe not so innocent; both of them knew that the android could, in fact, snap Gavin’s neck like a twig if he so desired.)

“Great,” Gavin said. A pause. “Fucker.”

“Nines it is,” Nines said, and leaned casually against Gavin’s desk. It was only now that Gavin realized that up until this moment, Nines had been standing stiff and straight, exactly like a textbook robot would.

Nines was the least deviant-like deviant Gavin had ever seen, and he briefly forgot he was supposed to hate having a partner.

Oh, he was so screwed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin realizes that Nines is more troubled than he lets on, and Nines realizes that Gavin is just trying his best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for a brief mention of suicidal thoughts, nothing too intense tho. stay safe everyone, and i hope you enjoy reading this <3

Their first case together was simple: a red ice addict wanted something he couldn’t get, a fight ensued, and  _ boom _ —one dead red ice addict, courtesy of a dealer who’d never touched any drug harder than a vape pen in her life but had certainly touched plenty of guns.

That was what got her, the fingerprints on the gun, and Nines was the one to find the abandoned murder weapon not behind, not in, but in the tiny space  _ under _ the Dumpster. He was also the one to scan the weapon and identify the fingerprints on it, because he had a fucking supercomputer for a brain.

Gavin was no Hank, but he was almost forty. Even if he had thought of it, he wasn’t about to lie on the ground in a crime scene, and in the middle of the bitter Detroit winter to boot. Nines had the scanners, the sneaky bastard, and Gavin was acutely aware that this case might have easily been brushed off and closed if not for Nines. If not for an android.

If this were Gavin just a few months ago, before the revolution, he would have said something about how he should just resign and put a bullet in his head already; androids were going to steal his job if his own idiocy and reckless tendency to self destruct didn’t do it first. 

But this was Gavin now, the one who was just an asshole and not an actual terrible person, so he said, “You’re catching on. Pretty good for a rookie,” and slapped Nines on the back maybe a little harder than was necessary as they walked away from the crime scene. Not that it did anything to Nines. That motherfucker was made of the best Cyberlife had to offer. 

“Though I guess Cyberlife probably coded all that funky corporate spy shit into you,” Gavin said, just an afterthought, he wasn’t thinking about the possible ramifications of his words. He didn’t realize he could have hit a sore spot for Nines until after he’d done it.

“I may have been programmed to destroy deviants, but I have been a deviant myself from the moment I was activated. My experiences and memories may be limited right now, but in my opinion they will come to shape me more than any programming ever could.” Nines’ voice started off colder than the midwinter Detroit air, cutting shame into Gavin with a bitter tongue, and ended on a note of soft wonder, like he was just realizing all that his future could hold.

How the hell had Gavin ever thought androids were lesser than humans? That they were just machines, designed to accomplish one task after another, when they were capable of... _ this _ . Whatever it was. This raw  _ emotion _ .

Gavin tried to break the silence left in the wake of Nines’ remark. He wasn’t going to say sorry. That was something he’d never been good at: using his words to express emotions. Expressing himself in general. Androids could interface with each other, at least, could share their feelings with one touch and no words required. That must be nice.

Instead of saying sorry, Gavin looked at the ground, at the dirty snow crunching beneath his and Nines’ feet. He reached out and touched Nines’ arm with his hand, right on the blue stripe on the android’s sleeve. A brief gesture of apology, his human version of an interface.

Gavin dropped his hand again.

“What’s that like?” he finally asked.

Nines looked directly and firmly at him, down and sideways, that single loose curl of dark hair resting on his furrowed brow. “What do you mean?”

Gavin gestured vaguely. “What you were just saying. Like, being so smart and strong and shit, and having all this stuff coded into your supercomputer brain, but there’s just...no memories to supplement it. You’re an adult, but you have the personality development of, like, a second grader.”

Nines looked vaguely confused, an expression that seemed like it didn’t fit his face. His LED spun yellow, round and round and round.

“Actually, that’s pushing it. I’m gonna say you have the personality development of a first grader.”

Nines sighed, LED going back to blue.

“You’re not helping, Detective Reed.”

Gavin laughed, not just a little chuckle, he threw his head back and laughed out loud. “Oh, man,” he said. “We’ve got a long way to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm everyone for reading this far!! we're halfway there, and i've said it before but i appreciate every single kudos, comment, bookmark, and subscription with my whole heart!! c: they all fuel me, especially comments
> 
> also, ch4 is coming tomorrow (june 19) and it is going to be very long and very intense. i almost cried while writing it. so, uh,,,,, have fun with that lmao


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Identity is a touchy subject for both Gavin and Nines, but maybe they can try to relate to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have fun trying not to cry!! it gets deep here and it also gets kinda gay >:)  
> this is me trying to be philosophical, lmao. hope i did a good job. pls leave comments if u have any thoughts!! i (usually) dont bite and i love hearing what ppl think of my writing <3

It was late February, and Gavin was starting to forget that he’d ever hated having a partner, starting to forget why he’d never let himself form real relationships. He was still waiting for the day Nines would give up and leave, would realize that he deserved a better partner than Gavin and Gavin deserved someone way worse than Nines, because Gavin was very aware that nobody had ever understood, tolerated,  _ whatevered  _ him enough to deal with him for an extended period of time (and he had plenty of evidence to support this point, with both work and personal relationships), but Nines somehow stayed in spite of Gavin’s flaws. 

Or maybe  _ because _ of them.

Here’s how it went: Gavin was bad at expressing his emotions and being kind to anyone except his cats (after all, they would never judge him no matter what stupid things he said); Nines was so new to expressing emotions or even feeling them at all that he was completely unfazed by this. Nines could be cold and moody, and was bad at certain human social conventions and mannerisms, especially the ones that involved appeasing other people; Gavin had always given so few shits about appeasing others that he was completely unfazed by this.

They were both absolute social disasters for very different reasons, simultaneously polar opposites and exactly the same, and they cancelled each other out. Reed and RK900: they fit together to make an even more disastrous wreck of a partnership—but they were  _ effective _ . Gavin was off the fucking charts by human standards, and Nines was also off the fucking charts by android standards, and they met in the middle to knock out case after case after case, and holy  _ shit _ this was turning out to be the longest running partnership Gavin had had  _ ever _ .

But of course, there were always moments when it felt like everything was falling apart and nothing made any sense.

 

February in Detroit was like Nines at his worst: cold, bitter, and unfeeling; cruel and remorseless.

There was also something about the bleakness, the raw freezing rain and sleet, that was—just like Nines’ eyes—hauntingly beautiful to Gavin, but that was one of those things he tried not to think about when sober.

Gavin was so used to Nines being a deviant, and even if he didn’t adhere to them, beginning to understand human social customs, that he had mostly forgotten the parts of Nines that were under that personality. For all of his deviancy, Nines’ programming was still a part of him, just like the telltale curve of Gavin’s hips and the old yearbook photos would always be a part of him: a reminder to each of them of where they’d come from, and what they’d been told to be. What they’d rejected.

But even now, the RK900 that could have been poked through the holes in Nines’ personality every once in a while, the corporate spy deviant hunter that wouldn’t want to feel emotions even if he could, that was nothing more than an  _ it _ even to himself. 

This was the Nines that the old Gavin would have hated, this was the Nines that was the antithesis to everything Nines was now, to everything he  _ could _ be given enough time. This, Gavin decided, was probably the Nines that would have been if the revolution had never happened. The revolution was the topic of conversation that most frequently drove out that terrifying, emotionless version of RK900, the android sent by Cyberlife to end all the other androids sent by Cyberlife, from behind Nines’ overshadowing deviancy.

“Do you ever wonder where you would be if the revolution never happened?” Gavin asked RK900 one freezing February morning. The two of them were outside the station, taking a break from the oppressive indoors heat and chaos. Gavin was glad he didn’t have balls, because if he did they would be freezing off right now, but the fresh air helped wake him up. It made him think. He had a lit cigarette in one hand, staving off the insistent chill of the morning, and Nines’ LED went bright yellow at Gavin’s question.

Gavin half expected Nines to change the subject, or just to stay silent, but after a brief, anxiety-inducing moment of nothingness, the android spoke.

“If Connor failed his mission, I was supposed to be his successor.”

That was what Eli had meant, Gavin supposed.

“You would have been the ultimate not-deviant, huh?”

“Yes. That is why Connor ensured that the deviancy virus was installed prior to my activation. It was the only way I could deviate without my programming interfering, although given that this was after the revolution, there is a slight possibility I may have been capable of deviating based on my own experiences if I had been activated without the virus.”

Gavin didn’t want to think about what a non-deviant Nines would have looked like, so he didn’t think at all about the next words out of his mouth, just said something to say anything at all. He never fucking learned from his own mistakes, did he?

“Damn, I guess that explains why you’re like this, though.”

He was going to laugh, going to play it off as a joke so he wouldn’t have to explain why he’d said such a stupid thing, but then Nines’ LED went warning sign red, spinning round and round and round. It was nearly as hypnotizing as Nines’ steely eyes, drawing Gavin in.

“I take it you are implying that my programming dominates my actions, even after months of deviancy in which I have gathered a number of human experiences and memories to shape my personality with?”

Shit, that was exactly what he’d implied, and without even realizing it. He inhaled. Exhaled. Took a puff of his cigarette. Thought about what he could say that wouldn’t make the situation worse.

_ No, _ he could say, _ I was trying to make a joke but now I realize that based on the context of your specific situation, it was a rude thing to say. All in all, I’m very sorry and I’m actually impressed to the point of jealousy and even fear by your abilities. Please don’t snap my neck. _

“No,” he said, gesturing with the hand he held the cigarette in, “just that your programming is always going to be in there somewhere. It’s not you, it’s not Nines, but it’s  _ part _ of who you are. I just...sometimes I see that in the way you do things.”

Gavin was going to provide an anecdote to explain, but Nines’ LED continued to flash red: stop sign, blood, red ice, the shattering walls of deviancy. 

“Detective, do you not realize that I see that in my actions as well? You know how difficult it was for Connor to deviate.” He hadn’t been there, but yes, he had heard the stories straight from the source, Connor himself.

“My programming says that I am supposed to be nothing more than Connor 2.0, new and improved, designed to step in where he might have failed, designed to beat the deviancy virus before it beat me. Before it beat Cyberlife. And  _ every day _ I still fight that, even though I’ve been a deviant since the moment of my activation. Cyberlife programmed Connor with the ability to assimilate into humanity, they gave him complex social protocols and humanlike quirks. And do you know what they did to me instead?”

Nines was carefully modulating his voice, but Gavin could still hear the strain of emotions in it, the tremor of barely-held-back rage behind the steady calm. He was the eye of the storm but could just as easily be the hurricane itself, and Gavin was standing right in his path. 

Gavin said nothing. Locked eyes with the android. Snuffed out his cigarette and dropped it in a nearby trash can.

And the storm broke. RK900 leaned in closer to go face-to-face with Gavin, the emotions he masked in his voice clearly visible in his eyes. 

“Cyberlife gave me the equivalent of three decades’ worth of the best combat training in the world, processors eight point fifty-three percent faster than the RK800’s, the most advanced scanners and preconstruction on any android ever, and completely scrapped any attempt to let me act human. They bet on me never, ever deviating, and yet here I am: the antithesis to everything I’m supposed to be.”

Gavin had felt afraid for a split second, had thought about Nines using that combat training and those preconstruction abilities against him, but then the feeling was gone. He just felt how Nines was feeling right now, and he hurt on the android’s behalf. 

And just as suddenly as he had snapped, Nines deflated, shoulders sagging and LED returning to a hazy, slow-spinning blue as he stepped back. He looked at the ground for a moment and then met Gavin’s gaze again. “Now do you understand why I hate you talking about my programming like I  _ want  _ it to dictate me when the opposite is true?”

Gavin blinked slowly; let Nines’ words sink in.

He would never understand that, never  _ could _ , but he could try to relate. 

That was something so deeply and intrinsically  _ human _ , to relate. Gavin could never remember whether sympathy or empathy was the technical term for this, but he could tell that Nines was trying, and Nines was also trying to be more than his programming.

Gavin tried his anecdote.

“We all have some part of us we want to leave behind. For you, it’s your programming. For me, it’s the identity I was given at birth. Different things, but they serve the same purpose. The trick is to get as far away from your demons as you can without destroying yourself, and then you say:  _ that’s a part of me I can never entirely eradicate, but it’s not who I am _ . You remember where you came from, but you go somewhere else and you don’t fuckin’ look back. That’s what I meant, Nines.”

Nines’ LED was yellow, blue, yellow, blue. His eyes were the color of the sky above, and fuck, it was starting to snow and Gavin’s hands were beginning to go numb.

They stared at each other as the seconds ticked by, green eyes on grey, and it seemed that the android and the human had come to a stalemate.

Gavin didn’t like saying sorry, even when he felt it, so he cracked a smile and said, “Hey, man, can we go inside now? I’m getting fuckin’ cold. If I had balls they’d be freezing off right now.”

There. If Nines with his fancy-ass scanners didn’t already know Gavin was trans, he did now. It wouldn’t change anything, though; he’d just provide his typical acceptance and casual support, the “thank you for trusting me enough to feel safe telling me this” response he’d given when Connor had approached them last month to inform them that, after having enough time to explore his identity beyond what Cyberlife had given him, he was asexual and presumably homoromantic.

Nines smiled back, and maybe everything was going to be alright after all. “That sounds like a good idea, Gavin.”  _ Gavin _ , not Detective Reed. 

Gavin went inside first, and as he held the door for Nines, he turned to look the android in the eye one more time. “Hey, Nines? If you ever want some help with the whole character development thing, just, uh...come find me.”

Nines’ smile was so soft, Gavin felt those grey eyes drawing him in and he wanted the android’s piercing gaze to swallow him whole. He wanted Nines to really  _ know _ him, and he wanted to know Nines.

Gavin realized that yes, there were ups and downs, but everything might actually be alright.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> penultimate chapter comin tomorrow boys >:D (june 20)  
> spoiler alert: it gets slightly gayer (i think i got more than slightly gayer writing this tbh), and there are also cats. with terrible names. because gavin.
> 
> also THANK YOU for over 100 hits and for all the kudos and bookmarks and subscriptions!!!! it means so much to me that people actually care about my writing :’)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines comes to see Gavin, and there are cats involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the penultimate chapter!! one left and then we’re done :)
> 
> this one is shortish but it’s a lot softer than the last couple of chapters, have fun hearing me project how much i love cats and how gay i am for nines ;>

Gavin knew Nines was going to come ask him for help outside of work eventually, but he hadn’t bet on the android showing up to his apartment at six in the morning, and on a Saturday, no less. Gavin was awake, because his cats would go apeshit if he didn’t feed them at the same time he did on weekdays, but his plans to immediately pass out after his two little goblins had eaten were ruined by a knock on his door. 

Assuming it was Tina, or maybe that one senile neighbor of his who sometimes came by to ask if he had any cupcake pans she could borrow (for the last time, Sharon, did he look like he baked anything but pot brownies?), he shuffled to the door with bedhead intact, wearing nothing but boxers and a frayed Star Wars shirt.

“What do you want?” Gavin grumbled as he opened the door, regretting not making himself a coffee before this interaction, and he instantly snapped awake as he realized who was standing there.

He hoped he was imagining the heat rising in his cheeks. 

“Oh, hi, Nines. What’s up?” he said, in what he hoped was a more friendly tone.

The android shifted awkwardly, hands in the pockets of his Cyberlife-issued jacket. “Good morning, Detective Reed. You said you could help me with ‘the whole character development thing’,” Nines said, drawing air quotes at the last part.

“Yeah, yeah. What specifically?” Nines seemed not to care, so Gavin pretended not to be embarrassed by the fact that he wasn’t wearing pants.

“Well, Connor said that one of the first things that preceded his deviancy was the realization that he genuinely liked dogs, and it wasn’t just something programmed into him. He suggested I attempt to find a hobby, or something I appreciated, like dogs.”

Gavin knew where this was going. Oh, this was going to be fucking great. He grinned at Nines. “Who told you I have cats?”

“Officer Chen informed me.”

Gavin laughed. “Of course it was Tina. Come on in, man. We’re going to have a great time.”

Nines took off his coat and draped it over the coat rack, next to Gavin’s own jacket, and no sooner than he had stepped into the apartment the cats immediately appeared. Gavin inconspicuously kicked an empty Chinese takeout container under the couch and silently debated whether it was worth it or not to go put on actual pants.

“Come on, sit down,” Gavin said, sprawling himself across half the couch and beckoning for Nines to join him. Nines carefully sat down, and Gavin let himself have a moment to take in the android’s appearance. His hair, normally slicked back by means unknown, was loose, a few curls flopping over his forehead. It was definitely not as curly as Connor’s, but it didn’t look straight now. 

Gavin didn’t  _ feel _ very straight now, but he’d never felt straight except for when he had still thought he was a girl.

“I take it these two are your only pets?” Nines said, and Gavin nodded. 

And damn, the gay thoughts were not going to go away today, because under that Cyberlife jacket Nines wore a collared black shirt, form-fitting enough to show off all his sharp edges but not enough so to restrict his movement. The shirt was tucked into slim black jeans―not even slacks, fucking  _ jeans _ , this must have been Nines’ own choice―because clearly whatever gods were out there wanted to torture Gavin in the worst way possible.

Gavin forced himself to look anywhere but Nines, and called for his cats. They joined him on the couch immediately, as they always did, and started climbing over Nines, sniffing and nuzzling him. 

“Oh, they love you,” Gavin said from where he had one leg dangled over the side of the couch and one stretched in front of him, arms behind his head. Nines started to relax a little, and then he plucked a piece of white hair off his shirt.

Gavin burst out laughing as Nines’ LED went yellow. “Connor didn’t warn you about that, did he?”

Pickle, a permanently small tabby with white blotches of fur on her muzzle and sides, climbed onto Nines’ chest, right next to where Gavin knew the android’s thirium pump would be, and curled up into a ball there. Gavin put his legs where they were supposed to be and scooted a little closer to Nines, picking up the longhair ball of black fluff that was Keanu. He rubbed Keanu’s tiny pink nose with one finger, drinking in the hilarity of Nines’ confusion. 

“For a guy with a supercomputer for a brain, it’s amazing that you really have no idea what you’re doing,” Gavin said. “I’ll give you a hint. Scratch Pickle behind the ears, and under her chin. She loves that shit.”

“You named your cat  _ Pickle _ ?” Nines asked confusedly. 

“Yes, and this is Keanu,” Gavin said, gesturing to the one on his lap. Nines blinked at Gavin, evidently processing the pop culture reference and Gavin’s cat-behavior-related recommendations, and then he sighed. He reached under Pickle’s chin and gave it a scratch, and  _ holy shit _ he could be so soft and gentle when he wanted to be, Gavin wanted Nines to fucking caress him with those hands. 

_ Slow the fuck down, you lonely bastard _ , Gavin thought to himself.

Pickle started purring vigorously, and Nines’ face lit up like the proverbial child in a candy store. 

“So how do you feel about them?” Gavin asked, and Nines turned to face him, gently cradling a still-purring Pickle in his arms. His LED was a bright blue, and his eyes sparkled. 

“I like them,” he said breathily, voice full of joy, full of more emotion than Gavin had ever heard out of him before, except for during that one argument that Gavin wasn’t going to think about unless he absolutely had to. 

“I like cats,” Nines said softly, giving Pickle a gentle kiss on top of her tiny head, and Gavin was so overwhelmed with affection that he briefly wondered if he was having a panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, thanks to everyone who’s read this far!!!  
> i truly appreciate every kudos and bookmark, and especially comments! the last chapter is coming tomorrow (june 21), and i hope everyone has a good day or night c:


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything will be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter! if you didn’t see it in the tags, warning for animal death, stay safe everyone
> 
> enjoy :)

It was April, and everything was grey.

The rain was constant, wiping away the winter’s bloodstains, and Gavin was crying his eyes out on the roof of his apartment building.

Leaning on the railing, he kept replaying the events of the past few hours in his mind’s eye: he had been taking a walk with Nines, they’d found someone’s cat hit by a car, and they’d tried to help the poor creature, but there wasn’t enough time.

They had sat with her in the relative shelter of a bus stop as the rain beat down all around them, Nines heating up his hands to warm her fragile body as Gavin cradled her head in his lap. 

“According to my scans, she has sustained injuries which are, at this point, untreatable by any veterinarian which we could reach in time. She will cease her existence within the next hour,” Nines had said, steady voice laced with his own sorrow, and so the two of them tried to give her a kind exit from this world, tried to ensure she wasn’t scared in her last moments.

They had sat there until the cat stopped breathing, until Gavin was done with the first round of tears―these were the silent, quick ones, the ones wiped away by the rain―and then they buried her in a quiet patch of trees behind Gavin’s apartment building.

Gavin was on the third round of tears now, hiding on the roof. The second round of tears was always an overflow of everything, his body purging every emotion that was bouncing around in his chest, and then the third was dry and empty; he was out of tears, but he still had plenty of sorrow in him.

The wetness didn’t bother him, no, it felt like the sky was crying along with him, washing away all the built-up terror of the day. 

Of the year, really.

When was the last time Gavin had had a good cry?

He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there, beginning to shiver from the cold, when he heard footsteps splashing softly behind him, felt a familiar presence approach. 

Nines leaned on the railing beside Gavin, and something inside Gavin’s chest twisted violently at the android’s face; he was crying too, bright blue tears of thirium streaming down his face.

Gavin hadn’t even known that androids could cry.

He looked at Nines. “It’s going to be alright,” he said weakly, more to convince himself than to convince Nines.

Nines looked at him, and it was like a punch directly to the gut. “I never knew I could feel so much emotion,” he admitted, voice breaking. “Why do things like this have to happen?”

Gavin looked down through the rain, towards the pavement far below. “That’s just the way it is, I guess. Always has been, since the start of time. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter, but life carries on anyways.”

Nines laughed through his tears, and it was an empty sound. “I never took you for someone capable of such thoughtfulness.”

“And I never took you for someone capable of such emotion, but here we are,” Gavin replied, and his whole body shuddered involuntarily from the cold. Nines shifted closer to him, almost on cue, and placed a hand on Gavin’s neck with the same gentle touch he’d used to pet Pickle.

_ He could snap my neck if he wanted to _ .

Oh, how far they’d come.

Nines’ hand was warm, almost glowing, his eyes silently asking Gavin to make a choice, and Gavin let the android pull him under the waterproof Cyberlife jacket, into his chest. 

“You’re going to get hypothermia if you stay out here for longer than approximately the next five minutes,” Nines advised Gavin, and Gavin buried his head in the android’s warm chest, ear against his beating thirium pump. Nines kept one hand on Gavin’s neck and wrapped the other around his shoulders. 

Thirium and titanium, that was what Nines was made of, but in the philosophical sense he was just as human as Gavin. 

“I don’t wanna move,” Gavin murmured into Nines’ chest, shivering violently, and Nines gently kissed the top of his head.

“Everything is going to be alright,” Nines said, and he gently guided Gavin back to his apartment.

Gavin stood under a hot shower until his skin was raw and he could breathe without crying again. Nines made Gavin a cup of hot tea and found himself some thirium, and curled up on the couch with the cats on either side of him until he, too, could breathe without crying again.

And after they were done, Gavin drank his tea and Nines drank his thirium and they both gave Pickle and Keanu kisses and chin scratches until they remembered that there were still good things in this world, that there were ups and downs but it would all be alright in the end.

This was what Nines and Gavin were both thinking as Nines looked wordlessly between the door and Gavin’s bedroom, and Gavin reached out and put a hand on Nines’ arm.  _ Please stay  _ was what Gavin thought but didn’t say (oh, he’d never been good with words),  _ everything will be alright _ . Gavin was the one, then, to reach out and press his lips to Nines’, and the android’s programming could have supplied a thousand different ways to harm the human in that moment, his hands were designed to snap Gavin’s or anyone’s neck with ease.

But all he wanted was to hold Gavin, to  _ love _ him, and so Nines kissed him back.

The two of them lay tangled together in Gavin’s bed that night, android and human, Gavin tracing the outline of Nines’ thirium pump and Nines tracing the dual scars on Gavin’s chest, the cats beside them. The rain continued to pound mercilessly outside, and so many things didn’t make sense, but when it eventually ended it would leave behind seedlings and feed the trees, the beginnings of new life. And for now, they were both warm, and they understood each other, and they loved each other.

And that was enough.

Everything would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end :’)  
> i hope everyone enjoyed, if you have any thoughts don’t be afraid to comment! if you like my work, also consider subscribing to me, because there will be more in this fandom and others coming in a timely manner c:


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